Greetings, fellow denizens of the internet, and welcome to the first edition of my movie review blog! I hope to update at least once a week with a new film review. Occasionally I'll review an older film that I've seen on Netflix, but I'm going to try to keep it current with movies in theaters. My first review is for "Terminator: Salvation." I know it's about a month and a half old, but the review has been gathering dust and I wanted to share it just the same. Enjoy!

TERMINATOR: SALVATION
* 1/2 (out of 4)

You know a movie is in trouble when the first scene makes you giggle. If you’re watching a Judd Apatow movie then giggling is appropriate. This is not the case if the movie in question is a somber, post-apocalyptic adventure. And so it goes that “Terminator: Salvation” is doomed from the start.
The film opens in the present day as a death row inmate named Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) signs away his body to science. The cadaverous scientist who comes calling is played by Helena Bonham Carter as if her character from “Fight Club” really was dying from cancer. The scene is meant to be intense and dramatic but is so awkwardly played that when Marcus suddenly kisses her and then says, “Now I know what death tastes like,” it is impossible not to laugh.
Fast forward to the year 2018. As anyone familiar with the series knows, a defense computer system called Skynet became self-aware, and seeing humans as a threat, started a nuclear war that wiped out most of humanity. It builds an army of terminators in an attempt to finish the job, and all that stands in its way is a ragtag resistance led by John Connor (Christian Bale), prophesied messiah and constant target of various terminators since Arnold Schwarzenegger first said he’d be back twenty five years ago.
The plot involves Connor attempting to protect young Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin), another soldier who is destined to go back in time and become Connor’s father. If Reese dies in the future, he can’t father Connor in the past, but if Connor never exists then how can he…oh, never mind. The plot exists solely to connect the action scenes, which are impressive. With so many movies relying heavily on CG it is refreshing to see a film that relies less on computers and more on stunts and practical effects. The action is only exciting if the audience cares about the stakes, and what the filmmakers have forgotten to do is create characters that we can care about. Bale does an admirable job of looking grim, but not much else. Bryce Dallas Howard is wasted as his pregnant wife, and although Sam Worthington is a charismatic actor, we are given no reason to sympathize with his murderer turned (supposedly) good terminator. This is not a good thing since the story revolves around him for most of the movie.
The filmmakers throw just enough references from the original trilogy that you sense an attempt to please the fanboys, but they feel forced and take you completely out of the movie, particularly when Bale snarls “I’ll be back.” When the one cameo finally appears toward the end of the movie, all you can really do is shrug. “Terminator: Salvation” is not a terrible movie, and on a technical level it is quite good; but the thing that made the first two films superior was the relationship between the terminator’s intended target and the one sent to protect them. This is missing from “Terminator: Salvation,” and the film never grabs you.