TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN
* (out of 4)
I grew up with the "Transformers" cartoon and really enjoyed Michael Bay's 2007 film. It had its problems, but it captured the essence of the show, and that was that these robots were alien and awe-inspiring. "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" leaves behind everything that made the first movie good a popcorn flick. Not only that, but it revels in insulting stereotypes and toilet humor, and reveals things about Michael Bay that we'd rather not know.
The plot is so convoluted as to be nearly incomprehensible and there is no meaningful character development. This could be forgiven in lieu of visually amazing effects and scenes of giant robots fighting (because let's be honest, that's what we shell out our ten bucks to see,) but the editing is so frenzied and the robots' designs so similar that it's impossible to tell the difference between any two Transformers. If you can't figure out who you should be rooting for, what's the point?
These complaints alone simply describe a bad movie, but what makes "Revenge of the Fallen" truly awful is the casual racism and sexism that pervades the whole affair. Two of the Autobots, allegedly for comic relief, have big ears, monkey proportions, gold teeth and speak in stereotypical ghetto voices. Megan Fox spends the entire movie running away from explosions in slow motion while in various states of undress that accentuate her most famous assets, none of which is a skill in acting. All the girls that Shia LaBeouf's Sam meets at Princeton (or Harvard, or Yale, I'm not sure) seem to be supermodels, which I'm sure is true to life at all Ivy League schools. The frat party Sam attends looks more like a strip club; I was in a fraternity in college, and never attended a party like that, even at fraternities that were cooler than mine.
I wanted to like this movie. I really did. What I learned from the experience (which could have been a good forty five minutes shorter, by the way) is that Michael Bay and his screenwriters believe the following: an attractive woman is defined as one who is anorexic, big buxomed and scantily clad; unfair black stereotypes are funny; dogs humping are funny, and one dog humping joke is not enough for one movie; pot jokes that were old when "Half Baked" came out are still funny; and giant robots with giant testicles are very funny, but not obvious enough unless John Turturro makes reference to "alien scrotum."
To quote one of my favorite critics, Roger Ebert, I hated this movie. Hated hated hated this movie. It's obviously aimed at twelve year old boys, but I weep for the future if this what twelve year old boys really want to see. Here's a list of movies that are also aimed at twelve year old boys: "Star Wars," "Iron Man," "Spider-Man 2," and even the first "Transformers." These films are infinitely better than "Revenge of the Fallen." Please see them instead.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Greetings, fellow denizens of the internet, and welcome to the first edition of my movie review blog! I hope to update at least once a week with a new film review. Occasionally I'll review an older film that I've seen on Netflix, but I'm going to try to keep it current with movies in theaters. My first review is for "Terminator: Salvation." I know it's about a month and a half old, but the review has been gathering dust and I wanted to share it just the same. Enjoy!
TERMINATOR: SALVATION
* 1/2 (out of 4)
You know a movie is in trouble when the first scene makes you giggle. If you’re watching a Judd Apatow movie then giggling is appropriate. This is not the case if the movie in question is a somber, post-apocalyptic adventure. And so it goes that “Terminator: Salvation” is doomed from the start.
The film opens in the present day as a death row inmate named Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) signs away his body to science. The cadaverous scientist who comes calling is played by Helena Bonham Carter as if her character from “Fight Club” really was dying from cancer. The scene is meant to be intense and dramatic but is so awkwardly played that when Marcus suddenly kisses her and then says, “Now I know what death tastes like,” it is impossible not to laugh.
Fast forward to the year 2018. As anyone familiar with the series knows, a defense computer system called Skynet became self-aware, and seeing humans as a threat, started a nuclear war that wiped out most of humanity. It builds an army of terminators in an attempt to finish the job, and all that stands in its way is a ragtag resistance led by John Connor (Christian Bale), prophesied messiah and constant target of various terminators since Arnold Schwarzenegger first said he’d be back twenty five years ago.
The plot involves Connor attempting to protect young Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin), another soldier who is destined to go back in time and become Connor’s father. If Reese dies in the future, he can’t father Connor in the past, but if Connor never exists then how can he…oh, never mind. The plot exists solely to connect the action scenes, which are impressive. With so many movies relying heavily on CG it is refreshing to see a film that relies less on computers and more on stunts and practical effects. The action is only exciting if the audience cares about the stakes, and what the filmmakers have forgotten to do is create characters that we can care about. Bale does an admirable job of looking grim, but not much else. Bryce Dallas Howard is wasted as his pregnant wife, and although Sam Worthington is a charismatic actor, we are given no reason to sympathize with his murderer turned (supposedly) good terminator. This is not a good thing since the story revolves around him for most of the movie.
The filmmakers throw just enough references from the original trilogy that you sense an attempt to please the fanboys, but they feel forced and take you completely out of the movie, particularly when Bale snarls “I’ll be back.” When the one cameo finally appears toward the end of the movie, all you can really do is shrug. “Terminator: Salvation” is not a terrible movie, and on a technical level it is quite good; but the thing that made the first two films superior was the relationship between the terminator’s intended target and the one sent to protect them. This is missing from “Terminator: Salvation,” and the film never grabs you.
TERMINATOR: SALVATION
* 1/2 (out of 4)
You know a movie is in trouble when the first scene makes you giggle. If you’re watching a Judd Apatow movie then giggling is appropriate. This is not the case if the movie in question is a somber, post-apocalyptic adventure. And so it goes that “Terminator: Salvation” is doomed from the start.
The film opens in the present day as a death row inmate named Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) signs away his body to science. The cadaverous scientist who comes calling is played by Helena Bonham Carter as if her character from “Fight Club” really was dying from cancer. The scene is meant to be intense and dramatic but is so awkwardly played that when Marcus suddenly kisses her and then says, “Now I know what death tastes like,” it is impossible not to laugh.
Fast forward to the year 2018. As anyone familiar with the series knows, a defense computer system called Skynet became self-aware, and seeing humans as a threat, started a nuclear war that wiped out most of humanity. It builds an army of terminators in an attempt to finish the job, and all that stands in its way is a ragtag resistance led by John Connor (Christian Bale), prophesied messiah and constant target of various terminators since Arnold Schwarzenegger first said he’d be back twenty five years ago.
The plot involves Connor attempting to protect young Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin), another soldier who is destined to go back in time and become Connor’s father. If Reese dies in the future, he can’t father Connor in the past, but if Connor never exists then how can he…oh, never mind. The plot exists solely to connect the action scenes, which are impressive. With so many movies relying heavily on CG it is refreshing to see a film that relies less on computers and more on stunts and practical effects. The action is only exciting if the audience cares about the stakes, and what the filmmakers have forgotten to do is create characters that we can care about. Bale does an admirable job of looking grim, but not much else. Bryce Dallas Howard is wasted as his pregnant wife, and although Sam Worthington is a charismatic actor, we are given no reason to sympathize with his murderer turned (supposedly) good terminator. This is not a good thing since the story revolves around him for most of the movie.
The filmmakers throw just enough references from the original trilogy that you sense an attempt to please the fanboys, but they feel forced and take you completely out of the movie, particularly when Bale snarls “I’ll be back.” When the one cameo finally appears toward the end of the movie, all you can really do is shrug. “Terminator: Salvation” is not a terrible movie, and on a technical level it is quite good; but the thing that made the first two films superior was the relationship between the terminator’s intended target and the one sent to protect them. This is missing from “Terminator: Salvation,” and the film never grabs you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
